Taking Back the Power: Learning to Shape Your Mind, Not Just Follow It

What if we truly had the power over our minds, instead of feeling like our minds have power over us? This isn’t a common question; we tend to just accept that our thoughts, feelings, and habits are what they are. But what if we could shape our mental state and take control of our narrative?

Our brains love to create recognizable patterns, constructing something we call a “comfort zone.” Within this zone, the mind tells us we’re safe, that we’re going according to plan. But this “safe” space can easily become a trap of routine and predictability. It feels secure, but it also limits us, subtly convincing us that we have more control over life than we actually do. Our brain tricks us, whispering that we’re the ones in control, when in reality, it’s our mind guiding us, often in ways we aren’t fully aware of.

We spend so much time meticulously planning our futures. The idea of planning feels reassuring because we want to believe life is predictable. We imagine a path and assume that if we follow certain steps, happiness will be waiting at the end of that road. Yet, here’s the catch: People change. Situations change. We change. We craft ten-year plans assuming the mindset we have now will remain constant, our goals will remain constant. But if we look back, we can see that the plans we made at 15, 20, or even 25 have all been influenced by changes we couldn’t anticipate. Life shifted us, priorities changed, and our original paths often fell by the wayside.

This dynamic between mind and control becomes most clear when life throws us a curveball—a job change, a relationship shift, or an unexpected opportunity. Suddenly, the comfort zone no longer feels like a safe place; instead, it becomes a box, something we feel trapped inside because it no longer suits our circumstances. We find ourselves feeling uneasy, not because we’ve lost control, but because we realize we never really had it to begin with. Our brains had simply been building a routine, convincing us that predictability equates to control.

So why do we cling so tightly to the idea that life is static? Perhaps it’s because change feels unpredictable, and predictability feels safe. We love the idea of defining who we are, mapping out what our life will look like. We hate the thought of not being in the driver’s seat. But paradoxically, the only constant in life is change. Still, our minds trick us into believing that life is linear, that each step forward will bring us closer to happiness, and that any detours are deviations from the “right” path. We think if things happen in a certain way or order, happiness will surely follow.

But this “when-then” mindset can be a slippery slope. We set goals, build timelines, and create an idealized version of the future, thinking, “Once I get there, happiness will just fall into place.” We often assume that our current situation, mental state, or place in life is undeserving of happiness. We wait for the stars to align, for conditions to be perfect: when we land that job, meet that person, or have the family we imagine. We’re waiting to arrive at the happiness we think is reserved for some “better version” of ourselves, some future we idealize. But this kind of thinking can create a lifelong chase, as happiness remains something always on the horizon, just out of reach. 

But how certain are we that we’ll be happy when we get there? Our minds are wired to delay gratification, to withhold happiness until we reach a future point that may never come. We don’t realize that our present selves deserve happiness, even if things don’t look perfect, even if we’re still learning, struggling, or unsure.

So what if we flipped the script? What if we decided to embrace change, acknowledging it as an essential part of life rather than a disruption? What if, instead of seeking a future-defined happiness, we allowed ourselves to find contentment in the journey, in the messy, unpredictable present? This doesn’t mean giving up on our dreams or desires, but rather seeing happiness as a state of mind that isn’t dependent on a future scenario.

The real power lies in shifting our focus from chasing happiness to creating it in the here and now, regardless of circumstances. When we take control of our minds—when we start to see that happiness isn’t a destination but a way of living—we stop waiting, and we start living. So instead of asking when happiness will come, we start wondering: how can I live more fully, more joyfully, right where I am? Breaking free from the mind’s illusion of control can be liberating, reminding us that while we may not control everything that happens, we can control how we adapt and respond.